Have you ever felt like your thoughts are controlling your actions, steering you away from the things you truly want?
Imagine your mind as a bus. You are the driver, heading toward a destination that holds meaning and purpose for you. But in the back of the bus, there’s a group of passengers; your thoughts. Some are helpful, offering encouragement and guidance, while others are loud, distracting, and even discouraging.
At best, these unhelpful thoughts distract you. At worst, they convince you to take a detour or even abandon your journey altogether. So, who are these passengers, and why do they hold so much power over us?
Who Are the Passengers?
Over the past few weeks, we’ve explored how our own thoughts can be the biggest roadblocks to living a fulfilling life. These thoughts, or “passengers,” often stem from past experiences and beliefs we’ve internalized over time. Once they get on our bus, they tend to stay for the long haul, influencing the way we perceive ourselves and the world around us.
Let’s illustrate this with a story.
Imagine a young girl who, one day at school, approaches a group of friends. Instead of welcoming her, they turn around, laugh, and tell her she’s too fat to be part of their group. In that moment, a new passenger climbs aboard: the “Inadequacy Passenger.” This voice tells her,
You’re not good enough. You’re not wanted.
Years later, in high school, she has transformed her life. She has worked hard to change her body, but the passenger hasn’t left. Instead, it changes its message. Now, as she sits for an exam, it whispers,
You’re going to fail. People will see how dumb you really are. You can’t do this.
Fast forward again, and she’s in her twenties, struggling in a relationship. She wants to express her feelings to her partner but hesitates. The same passenger, now wearing a different disguise, warns her,
If you speak up, he might leave. It’s not that bad. Just deal with it.
Different words, different situations, but the same core message: You are not enough.
The Second Step to Arming Yourself Against Your Thoughts: Remembering
Last week, we discussed AWARENESS, the first step in overcoming these thoughts. Now, let’s move to the second step: REMEMBERING.
The problem with these passengers is that they’ve been around for so long, we start mistaking their voices for our own. We accept their words as truth without questioning where they came from. Remembering helps us break this cycle in three key ways:
Remembering the Origins of the PassengerWhen did this thought first get on your bus? Was there a specific experience that introduced it? Understanding the root of these thoughts reminds us that they were learned—not inherent. This realization can help us step back and view them more objectively.
Remembering Your Own ValuesIf you only have one voice guiding your behavior, it’s easy to let it lead. But what if you had another voice—one that represents what truly matters to you? What if, instead of the “Inadequacy Passenger,” you listened to your values—your commitment to authenticity, courage, connection, or self-respect? Identifying and focusing on these values gives you an alternative compass for decision-making.
Remembering That You Are the Driver
The passengers on your bus don’t have access to the steering wheel. They can be loud, persuasive, and even intimidating, but they cannot force you to follow their directions. You always have the power to choose your own path.
Putting It into Practice: Arming Yourself Against Your Thoughts
Let’s revisit the young woman. This time, she’s more aware. She hears the passenger telling her to stay silent, but she recognizes it as the same voice that has tried to hold her back before. She remembers that she values open communication and emotional honesty. And she reminds herself:
I am the driver. I decide where I’m going.
So instead of staying silent, she speaks up.
Next time you notice an unhelpful thought creeping in, take a moment to pause and reflect:
When did this passenger get on board?
What do I truly value in this situation?
Who is driving this bus, me or my thoughts?
The noise of these passengers may never completely disappear, but as the driver, you have the power to decide where your journey leads.
Stay tuned for next week’s discussion as we dive into the third step: Resolving To Take Action.
Here is a video below to help you understand more about the Arming Yourself Against Your Thoughts Remember stage in the ARRM strategy
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