How Feelings and Rules Connect Us to Our Values: Understanding the Source of Our Actions

Our behaviors are often guided by forces that we don’t fully recognize. While we might think of ourselves as making conscious decisions, there are deeper factors at play. Two of the most powerful drivers of our actions are feelings and rules—and both have a direct connection to our personal values.

How Thoughts, Feelings and Actions are Connected | by infinitheism | Medium

The Role of Feelings in Shaping Behavior

Feelings are like preset directors of our behaviors.

Whether we are aware of them or not, emotions have a profound influence on the decisions we make. When we experience feelings of pleasure, we naturally gravitate toward actions that enhance those sensations. Conversely, when we feel threatened, our instinct is to avoid or eliminate the source of discomfort.

For instance, consider a moment of anxiety. That feeling—triggered by perceived threats—can push us to avoid situations, people, or tasks that we associate with discomfort. Similarly, feelings of joy or excitement motivate us to pursue experiences that bring us more of those emotions. In this way, feelings act as internal guides, shaping the decisions we make in real-time.

However, while feelings serve as powerful drivers, they can also create a reactive pattern of behavior that doesn’t always align with our deeper values. It’s easy to get stuck in a cycle of seeking pleasure and avoiding discomfort without reflecting on whether those actions truly reflect what’s important to us.

The Influence of Rules: Obedience and Obligation

Rules, on the other hand, operate in a more structured and external way.

Rules often come from societal expectations, family teachings, or personal codes of conduct that we’ve adopted over time. These rules create a sense of obedience or obligation—guiding our actions based on what we believe we “should” or “must” do.

For example, you might follow the rule of being kind to others because it aligns with societal values or a personal belief in compassion. Rules give us a framework for decision-making, allowing us to navigate complex social interactions and responsibilities.

But while rules can provide structure, they can also feel restrictive if they are followed without consideration for personal values. Following rules for the sake of obedience can lead to a disconnection between what we’re doing and why we’re doing it.

Thoughts, Emotions, and Values: Understanding The Sources of Our Actions

At the core of our behaviors, there are three main sources: thoughts, emotions, and values.

1. Thoughts and emotions are two major fuels for our actions. Our thoughts influence how we interpret situations, and our emotions drive our responses to those interpretations. For example, the thought, “I’m not good enough for this,” might create a feeling of inadequacy, which could lead to avoidance of an opportunity. Similarly, thoughts like “I want to succeed” fuel feelings of motivation and drive, pushing us toward action.

   
   

2. Values are the deeper, more enduring sources of motivation. Unlike fleeting emotions, values represent what truly matters to us over the long term. They are the principles and ideals that define who we are and what we stand for. For example, if you value honesty, you’ll strive to be truthful, even when it’s uncomfortable or inconvenient. If you value personal growth, you may pursue challenges that push you out of your comfort zone.

Aligning Actions with Values

The challenge, then, is to align our feelings and rules with our values. When we let feelings like fear or pleasure dictate all of our actions, we may lose sight of what truly matters. Similarly, if we rigidly follow rules without reflecting on whether they connect to our values, we may find ourselves going through life on autopilot.

To live a more intentional life, it’s essential to identify your values and use them as a guiding compass. Ask yourself: “What do I care about most? What kind of person do I want to be?” Once you have clarity on your values, you can start to align your actions—both those driven by feelings and those influenced by rules—with these deeper principles.

We are here to support you

At The Harvest Clinic we help our individuals reconnect with their values and align their thoughts, emotions, and actions through evidence-based therapies. We have a team of psychologists who guides clients to break reactive patterns, understanding the source of our actions, understand their behaviors, and strengthen their connection to what truly matters.

If you're ready to lead a more fulfilling, value-driven life, contact The Harvest Clinic for compassionate support on your mental health journey.

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